it's showtime
Apparently, once one stops blogging, starting up again is quite the task. To clarify, I haven't been interning in NYC all this time. When I first got back, I was immensely busy playing catch up at work and with slumber. This doesn't account for the entirety of my absence, though. I've also spent much time reading books, watching movies, walking for the sheer pleasure of the motion, basking in the sun and quasi-crafting. And those are just the tactile activities—it goes without saying that many an hour were spent on self-reflection, experience cataloging, development of concepts and revisions of goals. There were moments when I thought that I ought to get back to blogging, but the satisfaction of partaking in the aforementioned activities always won over. Quite simply, I had come to enjoy life as a private citizen.
Whether it takes a great deal out of oneself or not, the act of displaying oneself, online, requires performance at a unique plane of existence. A heightened awareness, of one's experiences, is certainly at work; at the same time, I think there's a lack of awareness or, rather, disregard for confidentiality. The level of readership is irrelevant—you're out there, publicly, for the world's observation.
Blogging, then, is truly at odds with my primarily reclusive nature. Like the ocean's tides, there's a perpetual push-pull. Sometimes I enjoy coming out to frolic and engage on the shore, other times I find my peace in retreat, seclusion. And, yet, turtle-nature and all, there's something I find quite satisfying in publishing—that composing of a compendium of my fashion cravings, experiments and achievements. (Surely the word 'achievements' is none to great for describing outfits that have made one happy!)
All this is my roundabout way of greeting ye and catching ye up, once again.
9 comments:
I am very glad to see you back! :)
You do leave off occasionally, but I always know you'll be back, which is whay I never take you off my favorites list!
Dang, you climbed that without a belayer? you are brave!
It's nice to see you back again, Kristina :)
I can totally sympathize with you on blogging and putting yourself out there. Sometimes it leaves me feeling very vulnerable at the thought of being scrutinized. Guess that's why I think it's important to keep certain things not just to yourself, but also for yourself. does that make sense?
Val: I like the emphasis on for oneself. It's like there's things we treasure, that don't need validation or redemption or acknowledgment from the public domain. In this age of decreasing self-censorship, it also takes a conscious choice to reserve things for oneself.
Shit, I've been wondering where you've been, but knowing you and your fierce intellect, broad interests and curiousity, I knew you were off enjoying interesting things in life.
Tis good to see you around, though!
XXs
Maeko. thereafterish.
Also, you're right. You either are super voyeuristic in a certain aspect or putting up a front and battling internally with privacy vs public personas, when you're a blogger.
I think if you're writing for you, without regard to readership or perception, I think you can still manage to be true to your own nature without compromising too much privacy. You have been pretty guarded about your personal life, and your photos are stagged and styled, of course, so there isn't too much revealed in them other than that you're fiercely creative and stylish...
I think before my blog was less about reading it than getting things off my mind and fuck whoever read it: the greatest depths of my personal life were aired, ie., sex life, love life, personal history, all my emotional problems... but then I realized, if my parents ever stumbled onto my website, they'd be horrified, so I've toned it all down and have focused mainly on the green/writing/style aspect of my blogging rather than my own personal introversions.
You're right, tis good to make a choice to reserve something of yourself to your personal realm, if that's your prerogative.
So I can understand why you have hesitation on coming back to blogging.
In the end, though, we do blog for ourselves. And if we truly didn't want it, we'd shut it down. Like Lauren (fops & dandies). Of course, there is such a thing as private blogging, and you can always opt for that as well.
It would be a loss for me, though, if you did choose to do that.
Somewhere in this babble, I think I'm saying I empathise, even if I myself probably will never stop blogging.
Yes, exactly Kristina. Sadly, those things to me seem to be the most interesting things to read about.
It's like when you're in high school and you discover a tape of an amazing underground band and you don't know whether you wanna share it with the world and make copies for all your friends 'cause they're just that good or keep it tucked away, hidden and all to yourself.
Have you read the article in the NY Times about the posting and blogging/cataloguing of one's food posts. Your blog entry here reminds of the notion of one's publishing of their daily thoughts and consumptions. I have to say, there's also a "push/pull" in both the publishing [production] of these entries as there is a consumption. I love eating up these fashion blogs. Sometimes, I, too need to draw back and think about my own sense of style rather than consuming and being all too often guilty of biting off of someone's else style. p.s. Your blog would be the hardest too cut down on. It's like fashion chocolate!
That looks might treacherous. Yikes! Bravo.
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